packing up some things for my dorm, (im leaving in 13 days by the way) and im trying to seperate my dvds from the "house's" and some i wanna leave cause if i take all MY dvds there would only be kiddie movies or suck fest old movies. so i had the notebook or a walk to remember, and im trying to decide which on to take, and i know you're thinking notebook duh... but i watch it so much i have it memorized, where as a walk to remember i watch it occasionally and still swoon. i decided to leave a walk to remember cause my mom loves it. so then i start going through the VHS' (no im deff not taking them) but we have a dual deck player that dubbs VHS to dvd so i start looking throug them and i see this home video that say anniversary, and im thinking know on in this house has an anniversary for anything so i pop in in and within the first 5 seconds it all come rushing back to me. it was approx. 9 years ago. it was my grandparents anniversary 45th to be exact. i was in fourth grade. wow. anyway so once i realize what it is i but a blank dvd in and dubb it, so eventually you see all my moms siblings go up and say a few words, tell short stories about their upbringing, and then you start seeing the grandchildren starting with my sister then it goes down by age. so finally i see little 9 yr old me walk up there with maybe almost 1 yr old baby jonnathan and i remembered exactly how i felt at that moment. i was terrified. and not because i had to go up in front of the whole family, but right when i started talking about why i loved my grandpa and grandma, it felt like i was saying goodbye. so im sitting there watching this feeling this, and my eyes start watering, and my hear rate speeds up, and then i go to hug my grandma, and next i got to hug him (this made me, literally break down and cry, and not just whimpers, it was heavy crying, felt through my whole body) and its like im never going to get used to him not being here. he was ALWAYS here. he was the best i could've ever had. and i took it for granted, and what child doesnt. he spent more time with me than anyother man i've ever met including my own father. every mechanical thing i know he taught me, all my wisdom, my stubborness he showed me. my love for drawing came from him, the other day they were going through some of his things and there was several pages of his drawings and on one page was porky pig, that made me cry. the reason i was so good at basketball was because of him, he spent hours upon hours shooting baskets with me, and winning too. what am i gonna do? seriously.