so im like a closet demi lovato fan and i was listening to her album and the third song comes on and im listening to it and then i really start listening to it, and i was like once again another song that explains all my really good relationships with people that eventually turned bad because i finally realized who they really were. but im the trainwreck that they dont love when i change.

i finally have something to say when people asked me what happened, before i got lost in the reasoning because all the extra back and forth. heres what happened:

i was used as an excuse for someone else to feel better. it would start of as little things like "i heard about her day and now i feel ten times better" or " she said i was amazing and now i feel better" then it just got to the point where i realized im not as important to the person as they are to me and im not as important as a person as to how i make them feel. what i mean is i was the oh you feel bad well tell me about it so i cant refute everything. and they were oh you feel bad? that sucks. and suck it did.

"and you said we wouldnt make it but look how far we've come"

sometimes i just want to write and i'll i become all inspired and i grab a pencil and a notebook and nothing happens. its really depressing. or i'll get an amazing idea and i'll go to write it and it comes out all wrong. i have this other journal that i got for my birthday and im doing out of the ordinary things with it and it completely a jessica original but i dont know, i feel like i fail 1000 times too many. i some how blow all my second chances. and all i want to do is be the best me i know how and even that i cant get right.




this post makes no since at all. and i just remembered that i was supposed to go see up today. FAIL.




wow.
oh
wow.