only reason i like the twilight books is because of one single character. bella is like no other character i can think of. the way she thinks is fascinating. completely selfless to the point that its selfish. like a huge circle she tries to take away peopls pain at the same time shes causing it. she rathr sacrifice herself than let someone die protecting her,but she is the reason that somone has to protect her. that why shes so relateable to every person who reads her point of view. for someon like me reading about bella and how she feels makes me feel bettet about the way i feel about myself and others.

update

halloween turned out AMAZING i got completely drunk of course, its weird not having a tolerance anymore. i ended up going to shawns party completely last min, thats why if you see the pics on FB im the only one not wearing a costume, although i did try to convince people i was a comic book cause i was wearing DC heroes pajamas :) hahaha met a girl there named amanda cant really remember her face  she over heard me complaining about how i wasnt drunk enough if i still hate the taste of beer, and took it upon herself to make me a drink, it was effing amazing amanda is type of drunk girl you wanna be around in a sticky situation i'd bet she be clever enough to get us out. it was funny, but i got all depressed drunk  at the end cause i just then realized i wouldnt be working the last official day so i woulndt be able to say goodbye to everybody.got a wee bit emotional. nothing serious of course i was sloshed remember........ i would go over the night play by play but nobody really cares. :)


heres a letter to you:

hello love,
i miss you a great bit. i think of you constantly, mostly hoping that you are thinking of me. i lalalala love you, i do, its true. :p
take care without me, while i pretend that you once needed me, oh you know how i love to feel needed, thanks for making me feel special :)
-FINE
jess





i broke 2 toes on my left foot. :(



thats all

so things are.........

well first off im extremely sick, but hiding it well, today i took a crap load of vicodin to just numb me, cause when i get pre-sick i get a little dramatic and when i get really sick i try to hide it to avoid all the over concern cause for some reason i crumble under attention.  doreen barley knows me i mean its been 6 months and she can tell better than my own mother when im not feeling well or when i'm depressed. ither shes psychic or shes very observant. she should be a pro interrogator i mean im good at hiding my sadness, but she picks it up on the spot.

the work season is almost done which makes me sad. but cant wait till the next one im excited not nervous for auditions :)


what else? humdilala....................... oh

i have recently delved inot the world of skating. i mean i've always like it and i had a board since forever, but ive never really tried at it , if you know what i mean. so now im getting really into it and its fun and scary and frustrating cause it like the only sport that i've had to work really hard at i mean everything has come really easily to me, iv just had no interest, this is different i mean in a way its second nature to me and in a way its like math. no matter how hard i try i dont get it. so im in the in between and im going to keep at it cause its a thrill when i actually get something down, like the ollie and manuals. so il keep you posted on that.

hmmmmlalalala.

no matter what i do or  how hard i try to get over the feelings i had in 06 i cant. theres a part of me deep down that doesnt want to let me let go. its the summer that my life changed.it was like my open door to the world and i step through it loved it and i accidently step out and the door shut and i got locked out. :(



ummmmmmm......

boy:  you smell good. stop it
boy: [puts his arm around my hips] i havent seen you in forever. how are you.
boy: [ while im reading comes up puts his head on my shoulders towards my neck, leans in close] what are you reading.
boy: i think im just going to change right in front of you now.
boy: (love song on the radio) crap now im going to get depressed [turns all the knobs down, while i follow turning them back up] now you are just gonna have to cheer me up. be yourself.
boy: come here. me: why? boy: just do it.[ i go up to him] smell me.
boy: [puts his ear phones in my ear.] listen..... this song reminds me of you.
boy: if you went missing id search everywhere for you till i find you.

shit....... life's not fair.

Fright fest is fun. i like being in the office i hate working past midnight. but now people trust me more, and i find out a lot of things of which i cannot repeat :( but its fun in a way, keeping secrets.

ummmmmm im giving up for now on the boy..... its kinda not worth pursuing just cause hes not and im not. its whatev.


so about bout that weather.. sheesh so eeffing cold, i will never get used to winter. well i gotta shower
just came here to wake up i guess i finally get to be a character today, hopefull i wont be  lame one. bahhhh

Dear life,

i know you are not supposed to be fair. but i also know that  you do let people catch a break every now and then.
so hear me out, i really really need you to cut me a break. i wont go into detail but i have a deep feeling that you know exactly what i am referring to.




love me( everyone else does),
jess

Dear you,

i was made to love you. this is my purpose.
you are the piece of time i captured in a photo, lasting forever, always in my heart.
you are the non renewable resource that i need for survival.
i take as you willingly give yourself to me, knowing i care enough not to take too much.
it will never be enough just to say i love you. so i refuse to say it.
how i feel about you is how i feel about breathing.
i miss you even when you are close to me, because i fear of the times when you will not be.
you are the reason for my happiness.
you are the story behind my smile.
i was made to love you. this is my purpose.


FINE(forever is not enough),

Jess.

where im at:: on my bed
how im feeling:: depressed
what im cranking:: tunnel -the used

where im at:: on my bed
how im feeling:: awake
what im cranking:: smother me- the used

 i say my style's clean, clean clean by any meansi got  my dream  held high i got my kicks on fly wit skinny jeans i wear em like a bad habit no matter wear i go i gotta have it i wear em skinny cause my ass fits apple bottoms' just an excuse for peoples with fat asses now all we need jeans for people who wear glasses. now isnt that attractive the next coming atraction, subtracted the brains of the

You take it to places that no one's ever been
You let it, you let it. Your insides caving in.
You pushed and pulled, still wanting some more.

meant to die - the used





The second you let it become a part of you,
You'll never forget it, no matter what you do.
You lost it all, still wanting some more.

meant to die - the used



So baby, I took a little too much.
Maybe you sucked the life right out of me.
I should have let you know I never meant to go.
Sure I lost my mind, but I never really meant to die.

Never stay forever.
Never stay forever.
Come on.
- the used

Nowhere to go.
I'm not leaving. I'm not going.
I'm not kissing you goodbye.
On my own.
I'm nothing, just bleeding.
I'm not kissing you goodbye.

kissing you goodbye -the used




ahhhhhh love. jessica is crushing, crushing hard <3